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While my mother was in the hospital having emergency brain surgery, Greg. After years of unaddressed discourse that finally reached a point of no return for either of us, Greg Jr. appreciated the gifts and monetary support he received, but what he really needed to feel was loved. And if you needed money, he might lecture you about it at first, but he'd eventually give it to you. If you needed a car, my dad would buy it. My father - a very matter of fact police officer - was a gift giver and provider, but he wasn’t the type to say, “I love you.” Instead, he showed it in the care he gave to each of us. I honestly feel like the way my father showed love wasn’t the way Gregory Jr. and I got closer, his relationship with my father was never great. In between, we had those real brother-to-brother conversations about family and life, but somehow our queerness never came up, even though we both knew it was another similarity we shared. He would take me and my younger brother to movies, we'd go out to eat, and when we got a little older, we even smoked trees together. When he moved back home to New Jersey when I was 13, that’s when Greg Jr. Later, he spent two years in South Carolina for college. moved to Virginia to live with our paternal grandmother when he was a teen. While my younger brother and I lived in New Jersey, Greg Jr. Unlike Greg Jr., I always felt loved and supported in my identity, and once I shared it with others, I never felt like it needed to be hidden again.ĭespite our differing experiences, all of my siblings and I had a pretty good relationship growing up, even though we didn't all live in the same household. As I continue to grow in my identity - once identifying as gay, now as non-binary - and sharpen my politics around queerness, my family has been right there beside me. After I told them, their responses were usually some variation of “we knew, but we just wanted you to be comfortable telling us.” While I've never brought a boyfriend home for the holidays, I've definitely brought several queer friends home for Christmas and other family events. Because of this, my coming out was harder for me than it was for my family. But based on my mannerisms as a kid and prior experience with queer children, my family suspected I would be queer, too.